Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction, written purely for fun.




It kinda sucked being a cop because you weren't supposed to do things. Like illegal things. Like kill people you work with things. Before Ray could even say, "I ain't doing Dewey's shift because that lazy-ass motherfucker ain't sick. He just wants to watch the game. Like everyone else," ole Fraser stepped forward and said in his cheeriest, I'm-helping voice, "Captain, Ray and I would be most happy to stakeout the warehouse in question this evening." Ray's shout of outrage, "Ray is not happy—" got cut off as Fraser dragged Ray out of the precinct and out the front door, Dief close behind.

"Are you fucking nuts? I had plans. Like my butt was going to be parked on my couch in my nice warm apartment, with a bunch of beer in the fridge. Not, Fraser, in a car in weather so cold that I'm gonna sit there wondering if my nuts have frozen off from my body and are rolling around in the front seat of the Goat."

Fraser was not moved by this tale of impending woe. No siree.

"I assume that they would be caught in the fabric of your underwear and if not, then by the—"

"That is not the fucking point, Fraser!" Ray shouted.

"I can see that you are upset with me, Ray, so Dief and I shall—."

Ray hatehatehated when Fraser pulled this shit. Making him feel guilty when Ray has every right to be pissed off and yet he still felt guilty.

"You ain't walking back to the Consulate so don't even finish that sentence. It's snowing, and the wind chill factor is something like minus 400, so stop pushing it. Fraser, I'm warning you. Get in."

"Wind chill factors do not—"

"FRASER!"




It went down just like Ray thought it would. Colder than fuck. Even Dief was complaining and he was something like king of the Arctic tundra. Ray had to keep wriggling his toes in his boots because he was rightly terrified of getting frostbite.

"This sucks, Fraser. Just so you know. Really, really sucks big time."

"Yes, it's quite chilly, I must admit. I'm afraid our sojourn out here has been pointless. Mr. Langostino has yet to appear."

"He ain't appearing because he's watching the game. You know what I'm afraid of? Dying from hypothermia."

"I remember one very bad winter where whole families were found frozen in their beds. I've read that it's not a painful way to die, but that's hard to reconcile from the expressions on their faces. Especially the children."

Ray also hated it when Fraser took one of his kevetching comments and made it real.

"I didn't really mean I was afraid."

"I know, Ray. It just reminded me."

"When I was a kid, you know what I was really afraid of? The moon when it got full. At certain times of the year it would be really big and super close to the house and I'd think, wow, it's going hit us and then we're dead meat."

"When I was a child, I was terrified that my father would die in the line of duty. And so I strived to be the perfect child, making this silent pact with God that I would be the best of the best, and then my father wouldn't die. Of course my mother died, which only confirmed my conviction that I didn't try hard enough or I wasn't good enough."

"That explains a lot."

"I imagine it does."

"Frase? Your father did die in the line of duty. More or less."

"Yes, I know."

"Sometimes I think shit just happens and we can't stop it and we're on that train no matter what. I was always afraid that Stella would get some high-powered ass job and then realize she was married to a working-class punk and then she'd kick me to the curb. And you know what? All that happened and I couldn't change any of it. Sure, I guess I could have become something else, like a car mechanic, but no matter what I did, I'd still be this punk with tats that would embarrass the shit out of her on an hourly basis. And she'd still kick my ass out the door. Which she sure as hell did."

"You'd have made a fine mechanic, Ray. But you are a superb law enforcement officer. Do not let anyone tell you differently."

Ray ignored the implicit criticism of Stella, because it was obvious by now that Fraser and Stella hated each other. Ray had devoted a lot of time to figuring that one out and still came up with bupkis.

"I should have been afraid of Victoria, but I wasn't."

"That's because you were thinking with your dick and not your brain."

"I might say the same regarding you and your ex-wife."

"I'm afraid you're heading into territory that's off limits, pal. You know what would be cool? To be Dief for a day. I don't think he's afraid of nuthin'."

That got a bark and a nuzzle of Ray's neck. With an ice cold nose.

"Ahhhhhh! That nose is frozen. Dief, do that again and you're one dead wolf. And deaf my ass, Frase. Just sayin'."

"I agree with you. Actually, he's terrified that the Dunkin Donuts on W. Lake is going to go out of business, but I'm certain that's the only thing he's afraid of. Oh, and Turnbull with a lit blow torch in hand. But that scenario is something that should have all of us quaking in our boots. I certainly wouldn't mind having his coat right now. I'm afraid it's only going to get colder, and we have two hours and thirteen minutes before our shift ends."

"Appreciate the update, Fraser. I'll give my nuts the good news."

They sat there in silence for a bit, Ray thinking about Fraser and how he thought he could cheat death over and over again by being the most competent kid in the world and even though as an adult he knew that was bullshit, he still kept on doing it. Couldn't stop. About how they were a duet and how different they were but how Fraser was never embarrassed by Ray, when you'd think he would be, and how he got Ray and even though he pulled stunts like this, how much they were on the same page on the super important stuff. And how much Ray admired and loved Fraser even though he was the most annoying person on the planet.

"Frase, you know what I'm really afraid of. You going back to Canada."

There was silence and Ray thought, Wow, I've blown it.

Then Fraser said, "Yes, Ray. I understand that fear. I'm afraid that when I go back to Canada that you won't come with me."

Ray thought about that for a little while and then stomped his feet because he really couldn't feel them any more.

"They got the moon in Canada, Frase?"

"A small one."

"Good to know."




Fin