Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction, written purely for fun.

Author's Notes: Draco Malfoy, Fangirl, or as he's known in circles round here, Ocard Yoflam, is participating in an LJ meme. With the usual results.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Daily thingee meme thingee."

"Sounds like too many thingees. Huh. Meme calls for eight things that annoy you, and you're up to 423…make that 424: people who look over your shoulder and spy on what you're typing on the screen."

"Look, it's not my fault that people are imagination challenged. I came up with over 300 in something like 30 seconds, and I didn't even have to think."

"Far be it from me to mention that—"

"Then I suggest you don't."

"But perhaps since this is public and everyone knows your pseud—"

"They do not."

"We've had this conversation before, if you recall. Pretty much everyone in the whole of Britain, including Wales and Scotland, figured out your pseud in, oh, 30 seconds. Ring any bells?"

"Your point?"

"I suggest that you don't include Theo's smelly feet, the fact that it burns your muffins that Neville's had some sort of replacement genital surgery because no one who is human has a dick that large—"

"It's unnatural, I tell you!"

"The only reason you're narked is because he keeps insisting that it's just the way Longbottoms are built—"

"I believe the word you are looking for is hung—"

"As opposed to giving you the name of his surgeon—"

"Selfish bugger."

"Who doesn't actually exist. And, I'd remove the fact that Hermione's voice gives you migraines, Ron's freckles gives you hives, red hair, in general, makes your teeth ache, the color of Snape's teeth is the stuff of near-fatal nightmares, and the wart on the side of Theo's nose make you want to throw up, none of which are particularly annoying, I'm just saying."

"Annoying is a broad term."

"In Malfoy speak maybe."

"Is there any other kind of speak?"

"Alternative reality. Welcome to my world, people. Oh, that's rather nice."


"No. 3. That you hate it when I have to work overtime."

"I do, and you've been working far too much these days. And you know what happens when I have extra time on my hands."

"Do not remind me. We just paid off that credit card. Not that it took eighteen months or anything."

"So work less. Our bank account can't handle it."

"You mean you can't handle it."


"What if I write a list of the eight things that I find lovely."


"The way you wear your hat. I mean beret."

"All ten of them?"

"The way you sip your tea. The way your smile just beams. The way you sing off key. The way you haunt my dreams. The way you hold your wand. The way we fucked till three. The way you've changed my life."

"You've been listening to the Sinatra CD again. Haven't you?"

"Maybe. Come fly with me."